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Still paying for cable? Why? Do you realize you could save $100 bucks a month if you cut the cord! We thought it would be fun to compile a list of all the awesome things you could buy if—and only if—you canceled cable.
|#1 Lots of Musk cologne: Look, it is no secret that broads really dig guys that smell like the 1970s. It is true, fellas! By canceling cable, you will have enough cash to purchase a lifetime supply of the best aphrodisiac (besides Tom Selleck’s mustache, of course) known to man: Musk Cologne!|
#2 Hire Flava Flav: Did you know that there are websites that allow you to purchase—yes, purchase!—famous celebs? It is true! For a small fee you could purchase anyone from Gary Busey to Flava Flav—a real who’s who of the Los Angeles County Jail!
|#3 Gold Plated Toilet Seat: You might be thinking: “Why would I need a gold plated toilet seat?” Because you cancelled cable, dude! Now sit on your a** in style and enjoy the extra cash!|
|#4 Hoverboard: Ever since Back to the Future 2 we’ve been itching to get our hands on a hoverboard. Do they really exist, you ask? Umm… do Unicorns exist?|
|#5 Mini Donut Factory: Eh, why not? Yummy for your tummy!|
|#6 A Pony: Let us guess: your parents never bought you a pony when you were a child, right? Who wouldn’t want their child to have a pony? Sickos!|
|#7 Little Mermaid Sweatshirt: Need we say more?|
|#8 Tiger Woods’ Little Black Book: Just because Tiger was forced to give up his Wilt Chamberlain-esque lifestyle, doesn’t mean all his hard work should go to waste, right??|
|#9 Starbucks Coffee: Because all of sudden a $45 cup of coffee doesn’t sound too bad.|
|#10 An Autographed VHS Copy of Police Academy 4 by Steve Guttenberg: Because who doesn’t love “The Gut”?|
If this list doesn’t inspire you to cancel your cable right this instant, well, there is no hope for mankind.