Six Things You Can Buy When You Cut the Cord which Add More Value to Your Life Than Cable

3D baby

Each year more people are joining the cognitively superior hoard of cord cutters. But, if you are still on the fence and debating the value of an HD-antenna, we’ve prepared a list for you.

Here are six things (more useful and healthy than cable TV) that you can purchase with the money you save when you cut the cord for one year:

  1. 3D Babies – A Symbol of Love – $200. If you can’t wait the nine months before your pregnancy to see your bundle of joy, now you can have a handy-dandy in-utero replica. Just like the real thing – but infinitely creepier.
  2. Millennium Falcon Mirror – $345. It’s another day in the universe. Now you can be sure the force will be with you everywhere you go.
  3. Nano Quadcopters – Two for $80. Tired of the old lady giving you a hard time for flying your remote control helicopter indoors. With these nanobots, she can join in the action. Show her that size indeed does not matter when it comes to fun.
  4. Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit – $349. The dead have arisen. Good thing you canceled cable and saved money. Now, you have the canvas carrying case to kick undead ass.
  5. Pizza Cologne – $25. Science has finally taken notice of our country’s obesity issue. And embraced it.
  6. Vanilla Ice-Cream Sundae High Heels – $200. So you have a foot fetish? So what? Stand tall and be proud of how much tastier you are for both cutting the cord and wearing your favorite dairy product on your feet.

You total spend: $1199

Since the average cable bill is around $100 per month, you have one dollar left over for emergencies. Or can just cut the cord and keep all the cash. The point is that you are liberated from the evil empire of cable and free to buy as many nanobots as you choose.

Cable be evil. Cut the cord.