A few months back, we compiled a list of the Top 10 things you could buy if you cancel cable. As OTA viewership and sales of Musk cologne continue to rise, we can only think our blog post must be to blame.
Without further ado, here is part 2:
#1 A Case of Crystal Pepsi: Because drinking brown water is just plain disgusting.
#2 Calf Implants: Chicks dig guys with bulging calves. It is true! Just ask Johnny Drama.
#3 Dating Tips from Joey Buttafuoco: Let’s be honest, does this look like a guy who struggles in the dating department? Soak up his machismo, fellas. Soak. It. Up.
#4 Novelty Urns: Why bury MeMa six feet under, when you can preserve her remains in something that resembles a bowling pin.
#5 Tom Selleck’s Mustache: While Musk cologne might be the most powerful aphrodisiac known to man, Selleck’s feathered ‘stache is a close second. The majestic mane also serves as a great soup strainer.
#6 A Jetpack: We don’t know about you, but using an automobile as your primary mode of transportation is so 2002.
#7 A PalmPilot: Because we are not giving into Apple, dammit! We are not mindless fanboys!
#8 Bryan Adams’ Autograph: Now you can relive the summer of ’69 everyday.
#9 Bacon Salt: Because everything—including tilapia —should taste like bacon.
#10 A Lifetime Supply of Topps Baseball Card Gum: Don’t knock 22-year-old gum until you’ve tried 22-year-old gum.
Just remember: all of this could be yours if—and only if—you cancel your cable subscription. If you don’t, no big deal… more bacon salt for us.